I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me.
As a father, nothing is as painful as watching my children struggle with the same missteps I once made. I look at them—so full of life, promise, and potential—and I see lingering shadows of my own personal and past mistakes. From a personal perspective, I chose to never speak of my youth and the follies of sin in which I chose to participate. I thought by hiding them–by shielding my children from my past–I could spare them the burden of repeating my mistakes. Yet somehow, it seems, the cycle continues.
The Bible hints at this mysterious legacy of sin.
“I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me.”
This is a hard verse for any parent. At first glance, it may seem unjust, as though children are punished for sins they never committed. But Scripture isn’t saying God arbitrarily curses innocent generations. Rather, it’s revealing a truth we see in our real lives—our actions ripple through our families in ways we can’t always predict or control.
Alcoholism runs in my family. My grandfather was unbelievably talented, scoring jazz music at the kitchen table, pretending the table top was a piano. I have hand written scores penned by his hand. I even have an original piece attached to a denial letter from Capitol Records. Sadly, he died at 36, alone in a hotel miles from home. That apple did not fall far from the tree. My dad’s brother died with cirrhosis of the liver caused by alcoholism. There is not a generation in my family that has not been touched with cold finger of alcoholism. This is the reality of sins passing from one generation to the next.
But Scripture doesn’t stop there. In the very next verse, Exodus 20:6, we find hope:
“But showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.”
God is not only just. He is merciful, desiring restoration over retribution–redemption over judgment.
This is where the tension of parenting lies. While I fell horribly short of my parents expectations for me, I eventually found my way, raising my own children in a manner that I hoped would shield them from those same influences that cause my failures. I now see that my children, JUST LIKE ME, are capable of choosing the wrong path. So, now what am I supposed to do?
The prophet Ezekiel makes it clear that personal responsibility still matters: “The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father…” (Ezekiel 18:20). Each person is accountable before God. My children are not doomed by my past, nor are they punished because I was an idiot at their ages. But based upon scripture AND experience, they are clearly influenced by my past and the history of ghosts haunting our family lineage.
There is an artist by the name of Finlay that had a line in a song I have never forgotten:
When does your mind realize
The monster will grow if you don’t fight back.
We all have demons from our past that sometimes torment us in our present. It is just reality. But what we do with that torment determines our spiritual success or failure. I am not asking anyone to be perfect. But I AM encouraging anyone that wants to honor God in their lives that they confront the demon every time it rears its ugly head. When we stop fighting the demon, he gets bigger.
Kindness Leads You to Repentance
Romans 1 is rough. In that chapter, Paul makes it crystal clear the God’s wrath is poured out upon all unrighteousness. There is not one stone left unturned. But chapter 2 gives this warning: do not confuse God’s patience, restraint, and kindness for acceptance. Just because God has not struck me dead is not because He accepts my sinfulness. It is because His kindness leads me to repentance.
If we are not experiencing repentance, we are hopelessly lost. But if there is a hint of sorrow in our hearts for our wretched sinfulness, then God is still at work.
